Hands off my stuff!

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Dearie,

I hide my purse because I’m worried it will be stolen. Then I can’t find it. How do I keep my belongings safe?

— Worried

 

Dearie: I’ve had the same problem. It’s not that I’m so worried about my purse being stolen — who’s going to steal an old lady’s purse? It’s more that I’m too tired or my hands are full with groceries when I get back to the house, and I just drop everything. It’s such a pain to keep everything organized!

Barbara: But is it really worth the upset and anxiety you feel later when you can’t find what you need?

Dearie: I know I should know better. But here’s the other thing: sometimes when I can’t find something, I think I might be losing my mind! Does this lady maybe have memory problems? Everyone talks and worries about that these days.

Barbara: I have a few suggestions. First, make a regular special place for important items: your keys, your phone, your money. Always put them back. And by the way, Mama, how about using only one purse? You’ve got a lot of different bags. Maybe you only need one pocketbook these days.

Dearie: It’s so hard to give up everything. I like having more than one purse. It makes me feel good—like I’m stepping out and getting dressed for the occasion.

Barbara: But Mama, part of getting older is recognizing that life and choices may need to be simpler. Wouldn’t you rather have the energy to go to an activity or visit with a friend than getting confused looking for your wallet? Is it really worth the effort?

Dearie: I don’t know, I don’t know. It’s hard to change. But about this lady: does she really need to be worried about somebody stealing her purse?

Barbara: Are you asking if fear — paranoia — is part of dementia?  That’s not easy to answer.  Paranoia can come from being anxious about any number of things.  It depends how realistic the fear is.  You are very afraid of falling, that’s realistic.  Being in a public space and having someone grab your purse may be realistic.  But hiding your purse in your house is probably not going to happen.

Takeaways

Barbara: When I was growing up, my mother and father would always say, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Finding a place, and perhaps labeling it, for all of your important items like purse, wallet, keys, medications can take the stress off of losing items—as long as you get in the habit of using it.

Dearie: I do remember saying that. It’s good to practice what I used to preach.

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Ask Dearie is a service of Barbara Green, LICSW and Sound Aging. Barbara’s mother is now 95 years old, and wishes for privacy. Though “Dearie” is fictive, she speaks much as Barbara’s own mother has over the years. Their conversations reflect an intimate mother-daughter shared history as well as the many conversations Barbara has had with other older women. Some of your questions may require more attention than Barbara can provide in this advice column. For a more in-depth response, Barbara may contact you about referral for a consultation.
 

©2019 Barbara Green, LICSW and Sound Aging | 206.799.7108 | barbara@soundaging.org Providing Advice to Seniors and Their Loved Ones in Seattle, Washington and Beyond