Going Viral

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My dad is extremely anxious about the Corona Virus scare …

and the state of emergency. He calls me several times a day asking what he should do. What can I tell him? — Worried Too

Barbara:  Mama, are you taking care of yourself?  Are you being cautious?  Washing your hands, not going out with friends?

Dearie:  You’re talking about the virus.  I’m listening carefully to everything on the radio and TV.  I’m doing my best.  But still going to a few of my discussion groups – we’re small, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

Barbara:  You know, I’ve begun wondering how long this will last and will it get worse.  I began getting seriously worried today.    

Dearie:  Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry you’re feeling so worried.  What can I do for you? 

Barbara:  This feels so good, mama – you’re taking care of me now!

Dearie:   I always did!

Barbara:  I wash my hands every time I’ve been outside – they’re as red as lobsters – and have cancelled all of my meetings.  Most of my friends are working from home now.  Do you ever remember anything quite like this? 

Dearie:  I can’t say I remember anything exactly like this – not a health scare, but certainly there were stressful times.   Seeing soldiers go off to war was difficult and scary.  And there was a fair amount of violence and anger during the civil rights movement in the 60s. I was uncomfortable and maybe a little frightened. 

Barbara:  Will this virus thing stop? 

Dearie:  Yes, it will, but it will take time. 

Barbara:  What would you do if you got sick with this virus?

Dearie:  We’d do the best in getting me well.  It just is what it is.  You know, it’s not the first time I’ve gotten sick.  Am I scaring you? 

Barbara:  No, not really, maybe a little.  Mama, do you ever think about the end of your life? 

Dearie:  Yes, of course I do, but I’m not ready to die.  I hope you know that.  Even though I have to make some adjustments because I am getting older and I can’t do everything I used to, there is still a lot I am curious about. 

Barbara:  Mama, you are the voice of reason and wisdom.   I feel a little, better — calmer.  Thank you!

Dearie:  I’ve never stopped taking care of you.  Love you lots.  

Takeaways

Dearie

There have been and always will be events that are disturbing and frightening.  Best to stay calm and be sensible and don’t panic.  Let your family know how you are feeling and offer and accept their support and love.

Barbara

Getting unnecessarily anxious isn’t good coping.  It is important to recognize that if you follow best practices of hand washing and social distancing, you will minimize risks.  And then take care of yourself by finding an activity at home that brings you pleasure.  It may be reading or watching a movie or knitting. Take a walk outside and appreciating your neighborhood’s natural beauty.  Perhaps you will see something you’ve not noticed before – a neighbor’s garden, a family out walking their dog – and wave to them from across the street. Phone conversations and Skyping are good ways to keep connected with family and friends.  Though this may feel lonely at times, take deep breaths and remember you are your own best friend.

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Ask Dearie is a service of Barbara Green, LICSW and Sound Aging. Barbara’s mother is now 95 years old, and wishes for privacy. Though “Dearie” is fictive, she speaks much as Barbara’s own mother has over the years. Their conversations reflect an intimate mother-daughter shared history as well as the many conversations Barbara has had with other older women. Some of your questions may require more attention than Barbara can provide in this advice column. For a more in-depth response, Barbara may contact you about referral for a consultation.
 

©2019 Barbara Green, LICSW and Sound Aging | 206.799.7108 | barbara@soundaging.org Providing Advice to Seniors and Their Loved Ones in Seattle, Washington and Beyond